When in doubt, try to pity grab.

This is so dumb. It's written like a shopping list of angst and thrown out for the world to critique. I know people want to be cool and all but since when did the writing world become all about trying to be "deep" through being "dark and depressing." Seriously. It's hard to find a MC these days that doesn't have a devastating background that normally involves one or both parents dying. Extra points for brutal murder, extra extra points for witnessing said brutal murder. Either that or they witnessed a death or had their home burned down or someone tired to kill him, WHATEVER.

My MC has both parents still living, a steady career, and a good start to life and I think she's awesome!

So when we get "prose" like the following, I just want to say WHAT IS YOUR POINT? Gothic novels were all good and great in that era but now if you don't do it right, you sound like a pathetic whiner.

It doesn't help that it's written like yesterday's to-do list.

I didn't even critique it. It blew my mind THAT MUCH. It's a whole load of "WAH MY LIFE SUCKS IT'S HORRIBLE PITY ME!" What is the POINT? At least The Series of Unfortunate Events was meant to have a slightly humorous twist. You're SUPPOSED to get slightly exasperated with the story and ask yourself what ELSE can go wrong. That is good, entertaining YOUTH literature! I give them a thumbs-up. This? Not so much.


Prose:


When I was six, my mother, Agnes, would smoke packs of cigarettes until the house was filled with smoke.
I would pack my lunch and walk myself to school.
My father, Jordan, left me.
I lost touch with my best friend, Jayden.
My parents always wanted a cute baby boy.
But when a baby girl was born, the smiles disappeared.
Growing up I had one friend.
He would always help me forget everything at home.
He was my best friend.
One day, I came home from school.
There were ambulance cars surrounding the house.
Agnes had lung cancer from smoking too much cigarettes.


Now, eight years passed.
My name is Savannah Monarch.
I'm fourteen years old and live with my adoptive mother, Lauren.
I'm have no siblings.
I attend Barberry High School and I'm not really popular at this school.
I'm still being treated the way I shouldn't.
Will things change?