I almost don't need to comment...

Apart from her spelling "grammar" as "grammer" in her story's introductory, our next author also told everyone not to be badass about said "grammer" (but expected a critique? I don't get people.) Speaking from a nerd's experience, it is impossible to make grammar (or grammer) badass in any way, shape, or form.

Maybe in a group of Grammar Nazis. "YEAH, the way you owned those quotations marks was SOOOOOOO BADASS!"

Wow. I read the intro line, and two sentences into the prose and immediately pasted it onto the blog... so I'm reading it and experiencing it as I edit, fun for you, fun for me haha.

Anyways, onto the prose!



Topic:

I have a story idea prolouge inside



Prose (with my ever-subtle comments and edits added):

The world it can be a very scary and horrible place [Oh, isn't it always? And people wonder why the world's suicide rates are up... because parents think it's okay for kids to spew crap like this. Ooooh, it's just a phase. It's not a phase when you decide it's toooooo dark and tooooo depressing and, oh, I dunno, die. But then parents will start saying "oh, death is just a phase! They'll get over it. It's ridiculous.], especially when your not a full blooded [Lack of hyphen]human being [Oh, I bet you're something real badass. Like grammEr.]. It has been about three years now since we have been revealed to the world for what we really are [... every time I read this sentence it gets lamer and lamer... I mean, how much better is it since Teenie said it? It's not. It's less.]. You may think that’s great, we no longer have to hide but that is only half true [Missing a comma Awkward sentence. Oy.]. My name is aroura deveroux [Okay, my five-year-old cousin knows that you have to capitalize a name. And what a lame name. They tried REAL HARD to make it dark and mysterious, you just KNOW.] and I’m not human never have been [Well last time I checked you generally stay the same species you were born as... but that used to be the same truth for gender as well...]and since I’ve come to this realm thousands of years ago [Oh, and you're thousands of years old too. You just get more and more awesome, don't you? I bet you have stupid colored eyes too, I'm laying down five bucks for that right now.] I’ve learned many things [But despite thousands of years failed basic English comprehension (like capitalizing names...)]. My realm is called Eternia[Sounds like a feminine hernia.] many come from there and none of us are human[They're all badass instead.]. In my realm I am royalty heir to the throne [Of COURSE you are. See? Teenie's not the only one, I wasn't just nitpicking with her. It's popular, it's lame, it's over-done... NEXT.]and my land is peaceful and loving[D'awwwwww...]. Yes we have thief’s and murderers [... so you pluralize differently between two things that are right next to each other? You just blew my mind. By the way, it's thieves.]and things just like earth ["And things just like Earth." Minus the proper capitalization... that is QUALITY writing, right there.]but things are different there more tolerant, but back to this day and age [And this sentence just got better. Wow, how do you come up with something as outstanding as this?]. When we first came out we were feared and many of us died[When people are scared of you, you die. So be nice!], yes there really are vampires and demons [...]and all sorts of creatures that you once thought were myths[Nuh uh! I knew about them because I am a 50 000 year old demon. I have purple hair and highlighter green eyes that are so intense that no one else can look in them. I'm a princess and I have VAST amounts of magical powers that I can defeat anyone with. I'm just awesome, do not doubt my knowledge foolish simpleton!]. I am none of what you would call a normal other[A whuut?], I have wings [Of course you do. OH WAIT! I mean, so do I! I have four wings, beat that!] of either black and red dragon or pure white silver feathers [Wait what? You don't know what your wings are, but you know they're something AWESOME~!]. I have fangs[Yep...] and my eyes are a deep violet[I KNEW IT!! I EFFING KNEW IT!!] and yes I feed off of blood but not only blood I do eat normal food like you all do[I only eat pure awesomeness.]. I control the element of water[See? Supr awsum skilz. Saw that one coming too.] and I have many other powers of what many call a witch [Your super powers are called witch? What kind of power is that?]and once many years ago I had only one here who could have been able to mach me [See? No one can defeat super awesome characters, they're just too win.]and well he was once the love of my life [Okay, maybe I should have seen the ultimate love thing before.]. His name is blaze and he is the prince of the realm you call hell[And just when you think it can't get any better...], but years went by and my powers have diminished [Hosnap. Did your wings diminish too? Because I recall you saying you just revealed yourself as "what you really were" three years ago but have been in the "human realm" for thousands of years. Hmmmmmmm. Unless only people you WANT TO can see your wings.] and now I am still powerful [More than YOU]but not immortal [Oh shucks.] as I once was to this realm ["not immortal as I once was to this realm." Huh.]. When we first came out[of the closet?] the human government recruited me and my partners two others and three humans for a special project [Confusion.]so those who knew me now think I’m dead[Wait, when you get recruited for a special project people think you're dead? PROFESSOR! WAIT! I DON'T WANT EXTRA CREDIT ANY MORE!]. I work to keep people alive other and human alike,[... more confusion. "Other and human alike." What?] my force [Meaning just you, of course, because you're smarter and more awesome than anyone else in the group, am I right? You lead that group, don't you?]works together to patrol the worlds and keep things under the law[What law? Hell, we can't even keep more than one country - no - one CITY under the same set of laws!], But now something is happening and things are coming out of the shadows[Don't worry, it's just your wings. False alarm.] and trying to destroy earth and every other realm they can get there [They're, there... THEIR.]hands[or super magik clawz] on. Humans still don’t care for us[Right because humans are naturally dickholes who hate EVERYTHING.] but we have rights as well so they cant do anything but live with us[OOOOH so you're like the really annoying homosexual who won't shut up about how gays are people too and therefore you have to live with his/her flirting with you whether you like it or not, and they're allowed to be as annoying and loud about it as humanly possible, but tell them to shut up and you're a HOMOPHOBE... yeah, that's about you right now.]. Still like back in the old days there are to many prejudice’s [... PLURAL FAIL]and many places wont let us in if they can see what we are[Yeah, the wings aren't a dead give away. Good lord, I PITY you... PSYCH!!]. No we try not to hide [No?], we shouldn’t have to[Oh how I pity your all-powerfulness...]. many of us are not cruel and evil like the stories say. Yes I can hide who I am but I choose not to[Oh right, people can only see your speshul awesumness when you say, I forgot.]. Now blaze has gone missing [WHYYYYYYYYYYYYY? Cue dramatic music...]and so have many others of our kind and me and my partners syrah[Why is it so hard to capitalize a NAME?] and Lilith the others on my team and dean Robby and Alice the humans have to find out what is going on and why things are going way, way to wrong and hopefully save the realms as we know it[That sentence was so horrible and ran on and it had so many ands in it and it was random and had no one subject and really no purpose other than to ramble on and it was broken up and tedious and omigosh.]. Our own realms refuse to acknowledge anything is wrong in there worlds and we have to fight alone[brb, I pity myself, gotta go cut now. Of course, you're all alone in the cruel world and people hate you. What's next, crappy poetry? Oh please, no!].



Another day, another butcher to our language. Why why WHY, when we have AMAZING educational systems, do people insist on falling asleep in class? Come ON.

At least she isn't like the Comma Fiend, who is apparently an English TEACHER. Wow.